How To Communicate With Your Partner
v Your
most important sexual tool isn't between your legs. It's your ability to
communicate with your partner. More than any other factor, your ability to talk
openly and honestly about sex with your partner is the key to an incredible sex
life. If you have very little natural ability or knowledge, but you have the
desire and the ability to communicate, I believe you can develop everything
else you need in order to be a tremendous lover - it's that important!
v Great
sex with a partner requires communicating our likes, dislikes, fears, desires,
fantasies, and expectations with each other. I like to say that the number one
secret for being a great lover is learning to make love to your partner the way
they want to be made love to. How can you make love to them the way they want
to be made love to if you never ask? How are you supposed to know how to please
each other if you don't talk about it? Great communication can and will make
the difference between ho-hum sex and mind-blowing, earth-shattering sex. As
you improve the level of communication in your sexual relationship, you will
see a spill over into other areas of your sex life, too. The more you talk
about sex with your partner, the closer you'll feel. The closer you feel, the
more you will want to have sex. The more you have sex, the better you will get
it at. The better you get at it, the more satisfying it will become. Without
strong communication, your chances for having mind-blowing sex are minimized.
v Many
couples find it uncomfortable to initiate sexual conversations and openly
discuss individual needs and desires. It may sound easy, but it really isn't.
If it were easy, everyone would be having great sex with great communication.
Sharing our sexual needs with our partner can make us feel vulnerable. We may
feel embarrassed or worried about our partner being critical of what we want to
share. We may fear being judged. Learning to tune in to your partner, ask about
their needs, listen to their answers, and express your own needs in return is
the most crucial key to fantastic sex and relationships - period! Did you hear
that? It's not an exaggeration! Read it again!
v A
great sexual communicator talks openly and honestly with their partner about
sexual likes, dislikes, fears, desires, fantasies, and expectations. They
communicate before sex, during sex, and after sex. They make sure their partner
understands what they want sexually. They talk respectfully with their partner
about any unmet sexual needs. They have a comfortable sexual vocabulary with
their partner. They tell their partner what they enjoy about making love with
them, and they always keep their partner up to date about any changes in their
sexual likes, dislikes, fears, fantasies, and expectations.
v
A great sexual communicator is
rewarded with the many benefits of great sexual communication. They get their
needs, wants, and desires met. They are fully satisfied and they fully satisfy
their partner. They understand that when there is open and honest
communication, trust is built. If your sex partner trusts you, they can really
lose their inhibitions, relax, let go, and be in the here-and-now. When you can
do that for your partner and they can do that for you, you both open yourselves
up to the potential for a whole new level of torrid sex and amazingly powerful
orgasms.
v If
you think sex should just automatically fall into place and each of you should
just instinctively know what to do to make the other happy, you are going about
it in the wrong way, I'm afraid. It may be tough to open up to our partner and
ask what they want. When you do that, you open up the door to possible sexual
criticism. I believe many people are so terrified of failing in bed that they
are afraid to take any risks or do anything to make themselves vulnerable,
which is a failure in itself. Learn to open up. Learn to take risks. Learn to
communicate. You will be richly rewarded. There is no growth without risk. If
you don't know what your partner wants, and vice versa, you begin to
second-guess each other. You really want to please your sex partner, right?
Then stop guessing what they like and start asking!
v When
there are issues in your relationship, and communication is shut down, the sex
suffers. Many people first realize about trouble in their relationship when
their partner isn't really responding in bed. No matter what the problem is,
when a significant concern is left unspoken, a wall is built up between the
couple. When couples don't communicate effectively and there are unspoken
problems in the relationship, the tension often build until one or both
partners burst, often in the form of criticism and anger.
v You
can be an expert in sexual technique, know your anatomy like you know the back
of your hand, and be a master of 1001 sexual positions, but if you can't tell
your partner what feels good, where it feels good, and why it feels good - if
you can't communicate assertively and effectively, then you are heading for
certain disappointment and frustration in the bedroom.
v Our
inability to communicate effectively about sex is ironic. Even though we are
bombarded by sexual advertising, sexual messages, and sexual situations on the
TV and in other media every day, we still find striking up a conversation about
sex a great challenge, even within the context of a committed relationship.
Many couples who do talk to each other don't talk ABOUT sex, they talk AROUND
it. They attempt to communicate through gestures, hints, veiled comments, broad
generalities, fill in the blanks, mind-reading, euphemisms, winks, jokes, kiddie
talk, and code words. That's sure not a recipe for sexual satisfaction.
v
Being open, honest, and tactful are
3 important keys to great communication. You have to tell your partner what you
like, dislike, need, desire, want, and expect in the bedroom. Your partner
isn't a mind-reader. You would never expect them know your favourite restaurant
or your favourite TV show without telling them, so why do people expect their
partners to somehow magically know what to do in the bedroom to please them
without telling them? Without clear sexual communication, your lover is left in
the dark and you are left less than fully satisfied.
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