Become Familiar With Your Body
¬ In
order to be the best lover we can be, we need to first become students of
ourselves. It's useless to know how to expertly please your partner if you
never even learn to please yourself. For the best possible sex, you must learn
both.
¬
What makes you tick, sexually? Learn
to tune in to your sexYOUality. Keep expanding your horizons
of sensual pleasure. Learn to become more easily and strongly orgasmic. You
have to learn about your own sexual response, what makes you feel good, and
what leads you to orgasm. How can your partner know what to do to bring you
pleasure if you don't even know yourself?
¬ You are the teacher of your partner. It's not your partner's
responsibility to somehow magically know what to do to please you. It's your
responsibility to know how to please yourself and then to communicate this to
them, so they can bring you the greatest pleasure possible.
¬ The
lack of knowledge about one's own sexual response seems to be a larger problem
for women, on the whole, than for men. I suspect this is due to the fact that
men have been manhandling and experimenting with our penises for as long as we
knew we had one, and therefore probably know our bodies a little better than
women do, on average.
¬ I
have read many online postings from ladies, both young and mature, where they
are so frustrated because they don't orgasm through intercourse, manual sex, or
oral sex. Some have never had an orgasm before in their life. When asked, most
of these women admit to never having masturbated or engaged in
self-exploration, either. Many women have to teach themselves to have good
orgasms. They have to experiment and learn about their body's sexual response.
Once they know how to do it themselves, then they can teach their men what they
need in order to experience the greatest pleasure.
¬ Women
who masturbate regularly are often more able to orgasm with a partner due to
their familiarity of their bodies, their sexual response, and their orgasmic
process.
¬ Many
people, especially men, ignore the sensual pleasures of their whole body,
preferring to focus on genital stimulation. But doing so robs you of so much
potential intimacy and pleasure and can lead to sex that is focused solely on
reaching orgasm, rather than reaching the full potential of everything that
lovemaking has to offer along the way. Learn to tune into your body and really
feel what it is experiencing.
¬ Explore
your body alone, first. When you are experimenting alone, you are responsible
only for your own pleasure, so you are more likely to be more relaxed, work at
a pace that best suits you, and allow yourself the time to experiment with
different sensations than you would with a partner. Once you define your own
personal pleasure map, then you can relay this information to your partner and
begin experimenting with them. Your partner can't do this for you as accurately
as you can by yourself.
¬ Set
aside some time for yourself when you will be uninterrupted. Lock the doors.
Take the phone off the hook. Run a bath. Make it deep and warm. Play some
comfort music. Light some candles. Get relaxed. Take some time to run your
fingers all over your body and make note of what feels good. Pay attention to
your responses. Listen to your body. How do you feel? Relaxed? Turned on? Any
kind of touching is acceptable - light touches, heavy touches, scratching with
your nails, pinching, stroking with the back of your hand, and any other way of
touching yourself that you can imagine. The only rules are that the touch be
pleasurable, and that you explore every possible place you can reach. Get very
detailed in your exploration. Touch and explore absolutely everywhere. Spend
plenty of time on each part, trying out various methods of stimulating each
part while applying various pressures and speeds. You can touch yourself as
light or as heavy as you wish to test the limits of your pleasure. You may find
that you prefer a light stroke on your nipples at first and find that as you
get more turned on, you prefer heavier strokes there. Make note of all of your
observations. There is no set amount of time that you must spend doing this. Do
it for as long as it feels pleasurable. You may want to have many sessions of
doing this. The better you get to know your own body, the better you will be
able to instruct your partner on how to please you.
¬ A
highly effective lover knows their body and their sexual response inside and
out and communicates this information to their partner!
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