All About Sex FAQ: Information, Guidance, Counseling & Treatment Center at Chennai, Tamilnadu, India

What is sex?

¬  The word sex is used to refer to a variety of sexual activities, and can mean different things to different people. Usually when people talk about sex they mean sexual intercourse or 'penetrative sex' between a man and a woman. But sex can also refer to sexual activities between two men or between two women. Sex does not just refer to vaginal sex, it can mean oral sex and anal sex as well.

How do you have sex?

¬  How to have sex is actually quite simple. When a man's penis becomes hard, he places it inside a woman's vagina, and moves it in and out. This creates friction which is pleasurable for both the man and the woman. After a while, this friction will usually cause the man to have an orgasm and ejaculate. It may also cause the woman to have an orgasm, although it can take a bit of experimentation and practice to get it right!

What is safer sex?

¬  Safer sex is protecting yourself and your partner from any sexually transmitted diseases including HIV. It is wrong to assume this only applies to young people as STDs and HIV can affect anyone at any age. Having sex safely isn’t just about stopping the conception of a child and safer sex doesn’t even have to be sexual intercourse.

¬  To have safer sex it is important to either use a condom or to make sure neither you nor your partner are infected with HIV or any STD. It is also essential to make sure you are not at risk of infection by any other means such as health care work or injecting drug use.

¬  Alternatively, as STDs and HIV can be transmitted through sexual fluids and blood, there is the option to do sexual acts that do not involve any contact with these.

¬  Therefore safer sex can be non-penetrative sex and just foreplay acts, or to a greater extent safer sex can be abstinence.

¬  You can have sex in lots of different positions, but one of the most common and intimate ways is for the man to lie on top of the woman, so that they can kiss and cuddle while having sex

¬  There are many sexual activities that people enjoy doing which don't involve sexual intercourse, for example kissing or mutual masturbation. Sex is also not just physical; it can involve strong emotions and have a significant effect on people's feelings.

Where is the G-spot and what is it?

¬  The G-spot is a controversial term as some sex researchers dispute its existence. However most believe it is an area located behind the front wall of the vagina, between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix. When stimulated, it can produce intensely pleasurable feelings for the woman, and may cause her to have an orgasm.

Where is the clitoris and what is it?

¬  The clitoris is a small pea-sized lump towards the top of the vaginal area above the urethra (urine hole) and the entrance to the vagina. It is very sensitive and when stimulated can lead to orgasm. You can find it on AVERT's diagram of the female sex organs.

¬  Is there any way of finding out whether a girl is a virgin or not without going to a doctor?

¬  The only true way of knowing if a girl is a virgin is to ask her. Many cultures believe that a girl is only a virgin if she still has an intact hymen. The hymen is a thin membrane of skin that partially covers the entrance to the vagina. This membrane can bleed when it is torn as a man's penis enters the vagina. Some cultures therefore believe that blood on the sheets on a woman's wedding night is the only proof that a girl was a virgin.

Neither the presence of the hymen nor bleeding during intercourse can truly indicate virginity however. Some girls are born without hymens, others will have hymens that stretch and don't break during sex, and some will have torn their hymens during sport, inserting tampons, masturbation or even riding a horse.

How do you masturbate?

¬  Men usually masturbate by grasping the penis and moving their hand up and down rapidly until they ejaculate ("come"). Women rub their clitoris and vulva and may move one or several fingers up and down inside their vagina until they orgasm. Everybody has their own way of masturbating that feels good for them.

Is too much masturbation bad for you?

¬  Masturbation is a normal and natural activity and is not bad for you unless you masturbate so much that you make your genital area sore. Masturbation does not stunt your growth, damage your health or cause you to become physically or mentally weak. If it did, the vast majority of people in the world would be very short and unhealthy!

Where can I get condoms from?

¬  Medical shops, Super markets, if you hesitate to buy in shops you can ask your Sex health adviser

How often do people have sex?

¬  Sexual appetite is entirely a matter of personal taste. Some people have sex once a day and others once a month. It probably varies for most people depending on whether they are in a relationship, how busy they are and how they feel. Most people think about sex far more often than they do it.

Is there a way of stopping premature ejaculation?

¬  Many men find the best way to prevent premature ejaculation is to think about something dull to regain control over their time of ejaculation. When first starting a sexual relationship, some men find that the sexual excitement causes them to ejaculate before intercourse has even begun. With time most men learn how to control this. Wearing a condom can help as it can reduce sensitivity a little. Condoms containing a mild anaesthetic in the tip are also available in some countries to help further reduce sensation and delay ejaculation. Better to consult you sex educator to know how to avoid “Premature Ejaculation or PE”

Does sexual intercourse hurt? Is there a need for lubrication?

¬  Sex can sometimes be painful for a woman if she is nervous or tense. Stress and fear can mean a woman does not get sexually excited enough to produce natural lubrication, or that she involuntarily tenses her vaginal muscles, making penetration difficult. Sex can also hurt the first time a woman does it as her hymen may be torn. Better to consult you sex educator to know how to avoid the pain during intercourse and positions helps more pleasure.

¬  If a woman experiences a deep internal or burning pain when she has sex, she should discuss this with her doctor, as it could be a sign that she has an infection or other medical problem.

¬  Sex is not usually painful for a man (unless the penis is bent into an awkward position) so he should also check with his doctor if he experiences any pain during erection or intercourse.

¬  If a woman experiences problems reaching orgasm with her partner can she do anything about it?

¬  It is not always possible to achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone; it often needs more direct stimulation of the clitoris, which you could request from your boyfriend orally or manually, before, after, during or instead of intercourse. Talking to your partner and exploring what stimulates you and what doesn't should help you to achieve orgasm during sex.

How do you French kiss?

¬  French kissing, or making out, is kissing with open mouths and touching tongues.

What is oral sex?

¬  Oral sex is when one person licks or sucks another person's penis or vaginal area. When oral sex is done to a man it is sometimes called a blowjob or giving head. When it is done to a woman it is sometimes called licking out or eating pussy. If two people have oral sex with each other at the same time it is sometimes called a 69 because of the shape their bodies make. A woman cannot get pregnant from giving oral sex to a man, even if she swallows his sperm.

Which STDs are transmitted through oral sex?

You can only become infected with or pass on an STD if you or your partner is infected with an STD in the first place. The following sexually transmitted diseases or infections can be passed on through unprotected oral sex:

• Hepatitis A, B and C
• Herpes, especially if the sores are in the infectious stage
• HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) is fairly low risk in terms of transmission via oral sex
• Gonorrhoea
• Syphilis
• NSU (Non-specific urethritis)
• Chlamydia
• Yeast infections such as thrush are fairly low risk in terms transmission via oral sex
• Genital Warts

If you are concerned about becoming infected with an STD as a result of oral sex use a condom when giving oral sex on a man or a dental dam (latex square) or cut open condom when giving oral sex to a woman.

Is receiving oral sex with a condom safe?

¬  As long as they are used properly i.e. they don't split or burst, condoms can be very effective in protecting against STDs when giving oral sex to a man. When giving oral sex to a woman a thin square of latex called a dental dam, or a cut-open condom can also be used to protect against possible transmission of any existing STDs. Flavoured condoms and dental dams are available to make using them more pleasant during oral sex.

Can you pass on or become infected with STDs as a result of kissing?

¬  No, you cannot pass on or become infected with an STD as a result of kissing. However, you could pass on a cold sore (herpes simplex, HSV1) to your partner through kissing.

Do you need to use condoms during anal sex?

¬  Yes, it is important to use condoms when having anal sex to reduce the risk of passing on or contracting a STD. If two people are considering having anal sex they should make sure they use a good quality condom and a water-based lubricant such as KY Jelly.

If my female partner is on birth control, do we still need to use a condom?

¬  When taken regularly and according to the instructions birth control pills can be an extremely effective way of preventing unwanted pregnancy. However, the contraceptive pill does not offer any protection from sexually transmitted diseases or infections. Using a condom as well as the pill will protect both you and your partner from passing on or becoming infected with a STD and also offer extra protection against pregnancy.

Is it safe to have sex when a woman is having her period?

¬  Not all women feel comfortable having sex when they are menstruating, and some men dislike the idea of blood being present during sexual intercourse, but there is generally nothing wrong with having sex during a woman's period and it will not cause either partner any harm.

This said, it is worth remembering that HIV and a few other sexually transmitted infections may be passed on more easily during a woman's period (both from the woman to the man and from the man to the woman), so a condom should always be used if there is any doubt over either partner's sexual history and HIV status. HIV cannot be 'created' by having sex with a woman on her period if both partners are HIV negative however - it is only ever passed from one person to another.

Some FAQ'S-Answers About Women's Sex Problems

Q: Why does it hurt when I have intercourse?
A: Painful intercourse can have a wide range of physical or psychological causes, from bacterial infection to anxiety to hormonal changes due to menopause. If sex hurts, see your gynaecologist and discuss the pain in as much detail as you can. Jot down basics such as:

When the pain began

Where you feel it (at the opening of your vagina? deep inside?)
The nature of the pain (is it sharp? dull?)

Whether the pain starts and stops with penetration

If you've noticed any unusual vaginal discharge


Q: I told my physician that sex hurts and she told me that I should just try to relax. Should I get a second opinion?
A: Absolutely! Sex should not hurt. Discuss the pain with a gynaecologist as soon as possible, and if he or she can't help you, ask for a referral to a doctor who specializes in sexual pain.


Q: I've been treated repeatedly for the same vaginal infection, but sex still hurts. Could there be another reason for my pain?
A: Ask your gynaecologist to examine you more thoroughly to ensure that you're being treated for the right problem. For instance, what may resemble a garden-variety yeast infection could be trichomoniasis, non-infectious vaginitis, or even an allergic reaction to yeast medications, a skin condition, or a reaction to your birth control. If your gynaecologist can't find the source of your pain—or insists on the original diagnosis—make an appointment with a sexual pain specialist.


Q: My vagina clenches up during intercourse and it's really painful. What should I do?
A: You may have Vaginismus, a reflexive tightening of vaginal and pelvic floor muscles. Vaginismus is thought to be the body's way of bracing itself against sexual pain. Women who suffer Vaginismus shouldn't force themselves to endure intercourse; further anxiety, stress, and genital pain can cause the body to intensify its protective response. Your gynaecologist can investigate the underlying cause of your muscle spasms and, if necessary, refer you to a sex therapist.


Q: My vagina itches, burns, and hurts constantly. What's going on?
A: You may have vulvodynia, a widely unrecognized chronic pain condition that affects an estimated six million American women. The cause of vulvodynia is still a mystery, but what sufferers have in common is periodic or constant burning, stinging, itching, and irritation of the vulva, clitoris, perineum, pubic area, inner thighs, and/or the outer rim of the vagina (the vestibule). Few gynaecologists know about vulvodynia, so you may want to see a sex therapist, pelvic floor specialist, or neurologist. For more information, go to the National Vulvodynia Association's website, NVA.org.


Q: How do doctors diagnose and treat vulvodynia?
A: Before a doctor diagnoses you with this chronic pain condition, other causes need to be ruled out—such as vaginal infections, dermatologic diseases, vaginal atrophy, and fibromyalgia. Your gynaecologist should ask a battery of questions about your sexual health and history, examine different areas of your vagina, and ask you to rate the pain with each touch. There's no FDA-approved treatment, but your doctor may recommend one among a range of vulvodynia solutions.


Q: It hurts deep in my abdomen when I have intercourse. What could be the problem?
A: A wide range of health conditions can cause deep abdominal pain during sex. It could be a urinary tract infection, and other causes could destroy fertility if they go unchecked (such as Chlamydia, gonorrhoea, pelvic inflammatory disease, and endometriosis). Deep abdominal pain requires immediate medical attention, especially if accompanied by fever, nausea, and vomiting.


Q: How can birth control pills affect my sex life?
A: Birth control pills can reduce your capacity for lubrication and cause vaginal atrophy, a thinning of the vaginal walls that can make sex painful. The culprits are usually the newer formulations of oral contraceptives that contain low doses of oestrogen and testosterone-reducing progestin, which can also decrease your libido.


Q: How can menopause affect my sex life?
A: Dramatic hormonal changes can lead to a decline in sexual desire, an inability to become aroused, and difficulty having orgasms. Menopause can also lead to vaginal atrophy and dryness, which can both lead to pain.


Q: How can chemotherapy affect my sex life?
A: Chemotherapy—a type of treatment that uses drugs to destroy cancer cells—has been associated with changes in menstrual cycle and in ovarian reserve (the number of eggs in your ovaries), which can lead to temporary or permanent menopause symptoms and negative body image. But some women may experience none of those effects.


Q: Could my blood pressure medication affect my ability to have an orgasm?
A: Yes. It can cut the blood flow to your vagina. Talk to your gynaecologist about ways to maintain your ability to have an orgasm without sacrificing your cardiovascular health. This may include reducing alcohol consumption, quitting smoking, and getting regular exercise.


Q: I don't have orgasms anymore. What can I do?
A: Orgasms are a complicated mix of physical, emotional, and environmental factors. With the help of your gynaecologist or sex therapist, you should examine what has changed about your emotional health, physical condition, and relationship. Keep in mind that many women don't have orgasms without clitoral stimulation. Don't be shy about experimenting with foreplay, oral sex, mutual masturbation, and sex toys.

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